"I Can't Right Now; I'm Busy..."

August 11, 2024

I still cringe when I think about it. What I heard my little boy saying really cut me to the heart.

This picture was taken just days before my daughter was born. My son Isaiah had just turned two. Look how little he was.

He was just 2 years and 9 days old when I had my second child. Any of you who have had a newborn know how consuming it is. The baby needs to be held or fed or changed alllll the time. The moments when the baby doesn't need you are few and far between. That's what it was like for me anyway. So I had a just-turned-two year old son, and a just-born daughter, and whenever my baby girl didn't need me, I was rushing around trying to clean up messes, do some laundry, prep some food, etc.

I don't remember exactly how old my daughter was when I heard my son say the words that opened my eyes to the situation, (who can keep track of time when you are in survival baby/toddler mode?), but I remember it surprised me and made my head swirl with guilt.

He was playing by himself in the living room with his toys, probably Thomas the Train or something, and I could hear him repeating cheerfully to himself, "I can't right now; I'm busy...I can't right now; I'm busy...I can't right now; I'm busy..."

OMGosh. I felt sick when I realized what was happening. He was repeating me. Those were my words. I didn't even know that I had been saying that to him, and I certainly didn't know I had been saying it often enough for it to be running on repeat in his head. Ughhhhh. Not my proudest mom moment.

Have you seen that Liberty Mutual commercial where the baby's first word is "Liberty"? And the point is that the mom has been telling everyone she knows about Liberty Mutual, so much so that the baby repeated it. What a clever commercial! But it's not quite so charming when your little kid is repeating something you aren't proud of.

Hearing my little son Isaiah chanting that phrase to himself really convicted me. I remembered all the times he had asked me to play and I brushed him off because I was taking care of the baby or frantically trying to "get things done" when the baby didn't need me. I was so sad. I still feel sad even now that my tiny boy was pushed aside so often. I vowed to do better.

Let me be 100% honest and say I don't even remember if I did better. I just remember the mom guilt of knowing I couldn't be perfect and meet all the needs of my children and also get everything done.

And now, 18 years later, the inability to meet all the needs and also get everything done is still the greatest frustration of my life.

So...that moment came back to my mind one morning recently. I see a parallel from that situation to how I currently treat God. I have a really hard time stopping on any given day to spend any time in prayer. I love To-Do Lists, (I literally make one every day of my life unless I am on vacation), and I usually rush all day long to cross things off the list. In the past year or so, I made a goal of stopping to pray for just about ten minutes a day. That's not much to ask, right? But I still fail to do it many days. I actually started writing "pray" on my To-Do list each day. The two things I start my list with are "Walk Harper" and "pray." But guess which one is often left undone at the end of the day?

The best ways to know God and be transformed by Him are to read the Bible and to spend time in prayer. Every morning I grab my coffee and sit down to read my Bible first thing. I need time to wake up anyway, and I want to start my day with God's Word. This one has become a habit I am so grateful for! But prayer is harder for me. Because it means slowing down and getting personal with God. I'm too sleepy to have a decent prayer time first thing in the morning, so I add "prayer" to my To-Do list with the intention of doing it later. But as I said, it is often left undone at the end of the day.

A couple of weeks ago, I suddenly remembered that moment 18 years ago when I heard my precious little son repeating, "I can't right now; I'm busy." And I realized I often brush God off in the same way. I'm rushing around each day doing chores and making calls and making plans, texting people, then making some down time for myself to watch TV, all while ignoring God's call to spend time with Him.

And the reason He wants me to stop and spend time with Him is because He loves me! And He knows I need to slow down. He knows I need to recenter my heart on Him and on His ways. He knows I need to stop hiding and just tell Him the truth about how anxious I am, how sad I am, how frustrated I am, or how scared I am on any given day. He knows I need to give all my cares to Him and tell Him I trust Him to be in control of my life. He knows how I can feel "stretched thin" many days, and He knows that He can just pour His peace that passes all understanding over me so I can carry on with less stress.

Luke 10:38-42

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

"Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I want to choose what is better and make time for the Lord every day. On the days that I do, He helps me so much! During summer my favorite place to pray is the hammock. I can remember so many specific questions I've asked God over the years and so many specific answers He's given, while I have been in the hammock looking at the sky and the trees. And He just brings me peace that I know I won't experience when I keep rushing around, or when I escape into things like TV without ever stopping to be with Him first.

I know how sweet it is to spend time with Him, so why do I skip it so many times? Writing this is a reminder to myself that I don't want to be a person who is too busy for God. I need Him!

What about you, friend? Don't brush God off because you think all those other things are so pressing. They can wait. What is it you need today?

Peace?

Rest?

Strength?

Comfort?

Joy?

Self-worth?

Direction?

Forgiveness?

All of these are found in Him. But you have to stop and be with Him! Don't let yourself say what I did: "I can't right now; I'm busy."